Loose Girls

I saw a short interview with a very promiscuous girl on a talk show a few days ago and some of the comments have been engrained in my mind since. Imagine a girl in her early twenties, highly attractive by our society's standards, who wants to start having sex with numerous random guys. She sticks to her plan, creates a website/blog to find men, and actually sleeps with quiet a lot of them through the next few months. By a few months I mean 3 months..and by 'a lot of men' I mean a rough estimate of 35 different guys. Of course, she met many many more of them through her site but for one reason or another, chose not to sleep with them.

So what is wrong with this picture? Is it wrong that she slept with more men in 3 months than most women do in a lifetime? Is this wrong because of the physical dangers involved with meeting strangers online? Or is it wrong simply because she is a woman?

 (Image retrieved from: http://farandhigh.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/View-of-feet-of-couple-having-sex-in-bed-776483.jpg)

We have many terms to describe a man that sleeps around with multiple women; player, stud, smooth-operator, ladies' man, etc. None of these words necessarily have a negative connotation attached to them. Then there are the terms we use to describe a woman that sleeps around; slut, whore, loose girl, dirty tramp...and the list goes on..all the terms being offensive, derogatory and negative.

We live in a world full of double standards, especially when it comes to men and women. These double standards have become a part of daily life and most of us don't even notice it's happening. I have to admit that even though I try to be consciously aware of the world around me, I have fallen for these double standards many times as well.

So back to the topic of promiscuous women. If men are allowed, even encouraged, to explore their sexuality and have multiple sexual partners, why can't women do the same thing? Why is it unacceptable for a woman to explore her sexuality by having multiple partners?

This issue is societal and cultural, but it is also partially in our nature. Majority of the world's cultures do not condone promiscuity in women. Why is that? Well, firstly, women have to be selective by nature. Why do we have sex, in entirely primal terms? In order to reproduce. Yet a woman can technically only get pregnant once a year, whereas a man can impregnate multiple women in a single day. So our female ancestors learned early on that they had to be careful and selective before mating.

To add to this, we live in a male-dominated world where women are always more at risk. Yes, a man can meet a woman online who turns out to be a psycho too, but statistically speaking, it is a much higher chance for a woman to be in harm's way. And if she gets raped by this guy, what will society say? That she brought it upon herself of course--why would any sane woman place herself in that situation? I am a firm believer that rape is NEVER the victim's fault regardless of what they were wearing, what hour of the night they were outside, or if they were alone at a bar. But our society continues to make it the victim's fault, especially if the victim is a woman (and in most cases, it is).

Moreover; men can wear a condom to protect themselves from STDs. A woman does not have the option to wear something to protect herself, she must ask the guy to do so. And if he refuses? Becomes violent? Why haven't we still discovered something for women to protect themselves against an STD without having to ask the guy? Why is even the protection up to the men?

And lastly, how many men who we consider to be "husband material" or "non-player" will actually marry a girl who has slept with 30, 50 or a 100 men? Although most non-promiscuous women ("good-girls") I know will never date or marry a 'player' either so I guess our modern society has broken down the gender segregation when it comes to this aspect of the problem.

Yet most people, including women, will not condone this type of behaviour and will try and find a reason as to why this girl feels the need to sleep with multiple men. Is it because she was sexually abused? Or it must be because she is troubled and punishing herself for something. Or maybe she just needs a thrill in her life..Underlying daddy issues?

(Image retrieved from:http://weheartit.com/entry/21264133)

Has anyone ever considered the fact that a woman has just as much sexual desire as a man, and she has just as much right to explore her sexuality in any way she deems appropriate? Why can't she decide what she wants to do with her own body?

In recent years, there have been a lot of movements to change this outlook. There have been events like "SlutWalks" to change the negativity around the word 'slut' and to make it a term to empower women.

I, however; propose a new term: "oodles" as a gender neutral term that means someone who chooses to have a lot of sex with a lot of partners. Instead of calling her a whore, we can just say "oh, she's oodles". Similarly, instead of calling your player buddy a stud, you can now refer to him as an 'oodles'. This way, we can at least get rid of all the terminology with negative connotations for promiscuous women, and we can stop making the promiscuous men into some sort of heroes. Why the need for an entirely new term? Because it will take us decades, maybe even longer, to remove the connotations attached to the current terminology.

So let's take a new step today and move forward from these antiquated views of sex and women. As long as a woman (or a man) is an adult, has the capacity to make informed decisions, and is not harming anyone, she (or he) should be allowed to do as she/he pleases with her/his own body and sexuality. And while we're at that, can we also stop blaming a woman for her own rape because she was walking at 1am with a skirt on? When is the last time a man walking down the street at 1am in shorts got raped and was then blamed for the rape?

“My sexuality is not an inferior trait that needs to be chaperoned by emotionalism or morality.”   -Alice Bag

~SW

The Golden Mosaic

Canada won a gold medal in hockey at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. And thousands of people were crowded in bars and pubs at 5am (even earlier in BC) with a beer or coke in their hands cheering on the team. And not only Canadians, but many many international students, workers and immigrants as well. If this isn't the ultimate human bonding experience, then what is?

I'm very lucky to have friends from all over the world, many of them living in Canada. They are literally from everywhere--from Egypt to Saudi Arabia to India to Kenya. And guess what? They were all up at that ungodly hour of the morning, wearing their Canada uniforms or red and white outfits, cheering Canada on. Now, I need to note here that most of these people are not Canadian citizens--at least, not yet. They have all been here for quite some time, working and attending school..yet they were just as patriotic as their Canadian counterparts. How is it that one simple game can bring them all together? How is it that a Saudi and a Canadian can hug each other with tears in their eyes when Canada won gold? And why is it that we can't be together like this in every aspect of our lives?

People love to belong and be part of something bigger. With all the politics and money involved in organized sports, it has become an ugly game. It's no longer about the game, it's now about how much money can be made off said game. I mean, what kind of a world are we living in when a guy chasing a soccer ball across a field makes millions more than the UN President? Be honest here--who holds more responsibility on his shoulders? I am against these over-glorified, over-paid and over-celebrated games that we call organized sports yet I stand in awe at how it can unite people who normally wouldn't be so kind to each other. We all have a stereotype of different ethnicities and judge people based on these misconceptions. A Saudi man?--oh, he must have a bunch of wives that he doesn't respect! Chinese girl?--she must be a math genius!, Canadian guy?--he must be all about ice hockey...and the list goes on and on..

Many of these cultural stereotypes come from cultural generalizations, but are misinterpreted, exaggerated, and twisted into something offensive. Yes, many Canadians love ice hockey, and yes, I know many Chinese people who are great at math. But I also know numerous Canadians who can care less about hockey and I have Chinese friends who are completing their Master's in Communications.

So at 5am, we have thousands of people of completely different cultural, religious and ethnic backgrounds, all cheering on Canada--together. And guess what? The police and EMS reported no issues, even with the presence of alcohol! So it IS possible for us to coexist without stoning each other..Sadly, many of these people will probably not come together again (or at least not until the next gold game Canada plays). Why is that? Why are we able to accept each other's differences when we have a game to win, but as soon as the game is over, we take a guard against each other? The minute the celebrations end, we stop being Canadian fans and start being the Muslim guy, Arab girl, Canadian man, Chinese woman, etc., and we start to separate. If we can get along and cheer on the same nation that we all live in, why can't we cheer each other on every single day of our lives? Of course there will be arguments and disagreements--that's simply human nature; but if only every day was a gold game in hockey...we would be the most loving and peaceful society in the world. I mean, Canada is one of the most peaceful and accepting countries in the world already, but racism, discrimination and cultural stereotyping still exist.

Canada is a cultural mosaic, not a melting pot. We all come from different places and arrived here at different times, but at the end of the day, we're all people sharing the same land, trying to achieve the same things in life. A mosaic is made up of numerous different pieces that all come together to form one image. We may all have different perspectives, but that's what makes Canada the mosaic it is today.So let's pretend that every day is a game to win gold and let's all learn to accept each other with our differences. This is the only way that our human mosaic will survive for generations to come and it's the only way we will win the gold medal in humanity.

When Christians and Muslims are killing each other, men and women are hurting one and another, a Turk cannot get along with a Greek, and the lawyer down the street can't stand his neighbor for his "back-dated" beliefs....let's show the world that yes, we are different..but no, we don't have to shoot each other for being different. We can love, embrace and live together as one society. We can share some beliefs and differ in others. Affection and respect do not have borders and boundaries; and love does not have a skin colour, nor does it belong to a particular religion.

That chilly Sunday morning in February, it wasn't only the men's hockey team that won gold; it was all the people that cheered them on together as friends, as coworkers, as families, as Canadians....ultimately, together as people.

A nation's culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people.

-Mahatma Gandhi

~SW

Fashionably Late

Time....it's always been something that people are obsessed with. We try to measure it, we are scared of it, it costs us money, we waste it, we save it..and it heals so many wounds..but what if you were thrown into a world where people had a completely different understanding of time? Would you try to adjust? Run away? Try and convert them to your concept of time?

When do you arrive at a party? On time? A few minutes early? Fashionably late? How do we even determine what fashionably late means? Is it 10 minutes or half an hour?

We realize that time is important --mostly because we have a limited time on this planet--. I mean, come on, would we have even been remotely concerned with time if we were eternal beings? What many of us don't realize is that the concept of time differs from culture to culture. This has been a topic of interest since the Ancient Greeks. In today's world, we have two terms that Mr. Edward Hall came up with in order to explain the different concepts: Polychronic Time and Monochronic Time.

In North America, and in majority of Northern European cultures, time is monochronic. This means that we like to organize time, we see it as something that can be saved or wasted, and we like being punctual. Monochronics love their planners and prefer doing tasks one at a time, in order of priority. They tend to be the people who show up to meetings right on time or early, and they hate interruptions. They are more concerned with privacy and confidentiality, and tend to be more individualistic.

Then there's the polychronic cultures..majority of these cultures are in the Mediterrenean, Latin America, Africa and the Middle East. Polychronics tend to do multiple things at the same time. It wouldn't be unusual to see a polychronic hold a meeting while taking phone calls and having an open door for visitors..yes, all at the same time! They are not so strict with their schedules either, so time commitments aren't all that important. Polychronics are more concerned with people who are important to them so they rather cancel their important business meeting to pick up a friend from the airport..

Now, I'm sure you can see that bringing these two groups together will result in some major conflict. Just imagine, the monochrone has spent hours preparing for a meeting with his manager, who happens to be a polychrone. Let's say the meeting doesn't get rescheduled at the last minute....the monochrone is in for some surprises..the manager's door is open and people constantly come in and out to talk with the manager..umm, what happened to privacy? Then the phone rings..but the manager does not let it go to voicemail..and before he knows, the manager has to rush out of the office--the call was from his cousin..apparently he just happened to be in the area and wanted to meet for a coffee, which is clearly way more important than this meeting that's so easy to reschedule!

I was raised in a very polychronic culture but spent my youth and adult years in Canada. Yes, I was the kid that showed up to class late every morning, missed half the sermon on Sundays and barely made it to birthday parties before all the food was gone..Why? Because to my parents, "party starts at 7" means "please arrive sometime on or after 8". Since I've spent majority of my life here, I have more monochronic tendencies, but I still see the polychrone in me come out every now and then, often to my friends' dismay.

Jokes aside, this is becoming a reality in our world due to globalization, immigration, and the rising numbers of expats..Take Canada for example, we have people from almost everywhere in the world that live, work and play together. It's amazing how everyone gets on so well...or at least until the monochrone has to wait at a restaurant for 30 minutes for his polychrone friends to show up. By the time they arrive, their reservation is cancelled and the monochrone has completely lost his cool.."But we were on time! 30 minutes late is not actually late!"

Yeah.....So where do we go from here? We can't change people's concept of time..and who is to say which way is better? I personally think they both have positives and negatives. Is it enough just to understand where these issues arise from? But that still doesn't mean the one polychrone isn't going to hold up an entire conference..

We need to learn about our differences and communicate with each other accordingly. It's the only way we can successfully communicate interculturally.

"We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone" -William Shakespeare

Regardless of all our efforts, we have no control over time; if anything, time has full control over our lives. As humans, we feel the need to control our environments and we all do it in our own way. Monochrones like to feel the control by making strict schedules whereas polychrones like the idea of having the power to change plans..at the end of the day, we're all trying to accomplish the same thing; control over how we use our time.

So my question is...if monochrones place such high value on being timely, how did the idea of being 'fashionably late' come about from monochronic cultures? How do we accept this concept when we hate having to wait for someone to show up for an appointment?

And lastly, I want to leave you with my original question; how do we even determine what fashionably late means? When are we no longer "fashionably late" but are truly late?

:)
SW